Day 25 of not smoking and day 24 of being sober. The day started with me sleeping too long, but since we had our monthly meeting this week and it was a whopping 45 minutes longer than it was supposed to be, I had some extra hours to waste. Anyway, I planned on an early evening but since I made it to work at such a stupid time, I still had to work until my usual 7 pm. Since, as usual, I didn't have a clue where I should eat at, I decided to wing it and went to Hesburger. I had a bacon burger. Because bacon. I also tried a new sauce. Apparently it's mayo with blue cheese. As I've been experimenting with blue cheese a lot, I thought I'd give it a shot. This was a horrible idea, as the whitish sauce tasted like a combination of old socks and molten plastic. I haven't tasted either of those things, but after tasting that ghastly concoction they call a sauce, I'm pretty sure that's how these things taste. In other words, yuck. I think this sauce was made for the sole purpose of making the other types of sauces taste better.
After some bacon and fries, mostly without the sauce, I decided to finally go and get a lottery ticket. I went to the usual kiosk which was closed again, as I explained last week, at 7 pm. I didn't give up though and went to another kiosk further down the street and further away from Möku and finally got myself a ticket. If I win a shitton of money today, you won't get any, so stop asking. Unless you're Möku. I plan to spend a little bit of it at Möku.
So... I finally got to Möku at about 20:05 and as soon as I stepped in, Keiu and Suss downed a shot of something nasty. Apparently Suss already had some drinks and was also hungry, so she was somewhat tipsy already. That's okay, as she was only substituting for Maria who arrived some time later. There was some kind of Möku staff party and most of the staff stepped by before going there. That reminds me, need to set up a time with Roosi before next weekend. I look like a beast already, some people didn't recognize me.
When I arrived, syphilis and scurvy were already at the bar finishing their first drink and I had a seat next to them. This was a strategically bad place to sit, but it was about the only reasonably good spot left at the bar, as the hour was quite late for my arrival. We did some sarcasm exercises on syphilis and apparently I can be sarcastic when I'm sober but my sense of humor is somewhat sub-par. Need to get drunk for funny, as we've already established last year. Our chat carried on for some half an hour until I noticed that I didn't have a drink yet. As I'm quite tired of the generic sobriety drink selection, I had some interesting drinks this time and the first of these sober cocktails was a simple club soda with grenadine, ice and some lemon. Put it in a lovely beer glass and voilà, we have a tasty drink that looks fancy as fuck.
We kept talking about general stuff and at one point I got a very slight tingly pain in my jaw, which made me realize another bad part about sobriety - you can't drink the pain away. As the pain was very light, it went away quickly, but the same principle applies to psychological pain, from let's say doing something stupid and regretting it. One does not regret as much when drunk...
Meanwhile, Suss and Keiu decided that a new shot should be created. Off the top of my head, I suggested mixing Sour Apple and Minttu. Apparently it's very tasty even though I didn't actually get to try it. I will, soon. It seems that I have a bit of a knack for creating cocktails and shots. A lot of the shots in the infamous Möku drink book have something to do with me. Another clear indication of me drinking way too much and too often. We called the new shot "Uus shot", or "the new shot".
Shortly after the creation of another instant classic, Maria arrived and Suss went off to the party. Syphilis then told an interesting story about the difference between a good and a bad student. The story was about a friend of ours who had an exam some few weeks back and had Way too much to drink the night before. Apparently a good student is able to get a decent grade from an exam while intoxicated or hung over. Things the university teaches young people...
After this the subjects got weird. At one point syphilis asked us if we'd prefer sex with a 6 year old boy or an 85 year old woman. We then proceeded to discuss the merits and problems with having sexual relations with an 85 year old woman. This ended in a philosophical idea about age and STD-s. If you get an STD from an 85 year old woman that has had an STD for 60 years, do you have an STD that's older than you? Really made me think, this one.
Meanwhile, syphilis and scurvy went out for a smoke and Maria, having just been to a basketball event noted that photographing basketball players in action never ends with a proper picture, to which we found that this applies to most sports. You can't get a decent photo of a person who is currently pushing their physical limits. Perhaps with the exception of a marathon, where in the first few kilometers some people look quite alright. For example, there's the Ridiculously Photogenic Guy. Look it up.
Some time later I had a déjà vu moment when a guy in a blue jacket ordered a rum and coke specifically without any ice or lime. Once he got his drink, another dude wearing the same kind of blue jacket ordered exactly the same. They even looked alike. I thought I was out of sync or something.
Shortly after that I decided to continue with my extreme sobriety drinks and had coffee. Just a coffee with some brown sugar. It's extreme because I never have coffee at Möku. This could have been the very first time I had coffee at Möku. It was quite good, actually.
The next subject might disturb some people, so be warned right away. This past week I and many others discovered a strange blog-like facebook page called "Älice megaa põnev elu ." in which an early teen girl of about 14 years of age documents stories about her complicated school and love life. Now, what makes this so interesting is the absolutely and utterly retarded language she uses to describe her adventures. She posts about once a day and I find the phenomenon of her and her popularity extremely fascinating. Perhaps because it's also one of those documentary types of blogs much like this one here. Perhaps I just need a little bit of low-brow reading material to spice up my life. Perhaps I just want to know what the hell will she come up with next. I'm pretty sure whoever is writing that horrid collection of misspelled words is actually an internet troll trying to gain popularity. If that is the case here, they have done an amazing job. Even elu24 picked it up and released an article about it. That is just some amazing level of retardation to simply write off as bullshit. Another chapter of "it's so bad it's good". I spent some 3 to 4 minutes discussing the complicated relations between Älice, Tommy and Kevvu with syphilis, another avid reader of their utterly stupendous adventures. I am also suspecting this to be a fan fiction for Twilight.
After this things got a bit quiet for a little while, at least until foot fungus walked in. He took a look at my little black notebook and laughed loudly about my note on Älice. Apparently even with him being away from civilization most of last week, he knew about that horrible thing.
I had a chat with foot fungus and we decided that one thing that's missing from Möku's lineup of alcoholic beverages would be Bacardi 151 over-proof rum. While it's a very popular beverage abroad and is generally used in a lot of different shots, it doesn't seem to be available in Estonia. We're sure it would be Very popular with the foreigners. Also we'd probably manage to create that Casual Shot from this we were thinking of with Maria. That would be epic. After our discussion, foot fungus went off to Kivi.
This brings us to my next extreme drink in a lineup of extreme drinks. As someone just had a White Russian, I figured we'd need a virgin version of it, so I ordered a small coffee with ice and a lot of milk. After finding it a bit too bitter, I added a tiny bit of sugar and the drink turned out quite lovely. We called it the White Estonian.
Shortly after that paraflu arrived, greeted me, had a Sparta and went out to find a friend he was expecting.
After that foot fungus returned from Kivi and immediately sensed the strong odor of Stroh in the air. "Spartas have been had!", he exclaimed. At least this is how I imagine him saying that. He actually just noticed the smell at the door and pointed out that he has a very good nose. I suggested he'd get into the business of wine or beer tasting, to which he said that he's already an expert on beer and had a sip of Alexander. Well, yeah...
Another interesting thing I noticed, people apparently trust me with their booze more easily knowing that I won't have any. Not that I would anyway, but it just seems to be another thing to do with sobriety. Probably just my imagination.
Meanwhile, people continued drinking Spartas all over the place. There were two guys next to me and one of them really wanted the other to have another Sparta and the other kept talking about an important meeting he had to attend the next day. At the same time paraflu ordered another Sparta and also one for his friend. The friend had to go back to Kivi, but paraflu stayed with us. He told us a story about how he went skiing and fell face first into some snow, to which I asked him if he had died, to which Maria explained that the best answer to that question would be "a little bit".
23:13. Foot fungus asked me to write down the time when Möku suddenly got full of people. It happens quite suddenly as there is not a lot of space to go around and it takes an average group of people to fill up the whole bar. We don't see it as a problem but rather just an interesting phenomenon.Paraflu kept telling us about how well he's doing. Apparently he had acquired a building and it had three arch-ceiling basement halls quite similar to Möku. Someone said it'd be an excellent sex-dungeon, to which we agreed that having three sex-dungeons would be three times as good as having just one sex-dungeon.
Since Möku was quite full of people at this point, I noticed how strategically bad my seat was. Apparently everyone ordering a drink behind me had to pretty much rub against me with their winter clothes and were I drunk, perhaps I wouldn't mind, but being sober, it pissed me off and I went outside for a breath of fresh air. Good air, a bit cold but very refreshing. Once back inside and with the group, I noticed a familiar-looking girl smiling at me from the other end of the bar, when I realized it was schizophrenia. She'd been in a far-away country for quite a while and while I knew she was back, I didn't actually remember of the possibility of seeing her there and was quite surprised. I gave her a hug and had a chat with her and her friends.
After being back with my group, I decided to show foot fungus a really clever way for multiplying large numbers (under a hundred, usually). I won't go into detail right now, as it's quite a visual way of doing it, but you can ask me about it if you're interested. Apparently that's the way Japanese kids are being thought multiplication in schools and we all know how smart those little dudes are.
Some more time passed when asthma and cough joined us. I haven't talked to asthma in quite a while and I also knew cough from Möku, so I invited them to join our little group. Soon after syphilis and scurvy left and we occupied their seats. There was some sort of a problem with paraflu's phone, so he used my phone to call his girlfriend. Apparently he couldn't quite do it and only reached her on the third attempt. Smartphones, man... Oh, and turning it off and on again did not work. Must be broken or something.
Suddenly it was already midnight and foot fungus exclaimed that I now had 154 hours of sobriety left. No, 164. I checked with my calculator, it was 168. Apparently foot fungus couldn't manage simple calculations any more, but at least he knew where he went wrong. But yeah, apparently it was exactly a week until the end of my stupid masochistic project. Seriously, everybody who asked why I was doing this got the same answer: because I'm stupid. It's stupid and sobriety isn't fun and people shouldn't go cold turkey. Sure they should drink a bit less, maybe spend some time with their families or do something productive...
Anyway, after that realization foot fungus left for the night.
While having a chat with asthma about something silly and trying to write down that foot fungus had left she tried to tickle me. As I am extremely ticklish and hate when people do that, I tried to defend myself, only accidentally managed to hit a cup of jack and coke out of the hand of cough and it ended up in asthma's face. Yeaaah... That has to be the only stupid accident like this to have happened during both of my sobriety runs. Asthma ran off to the toilet with cough after her after loudly expressing his unhappiness with the situation. Feels bad, man. I sat there awkwardly for a little while not knowing what to do. These things are so much more awkward for sober people...
So yeah, Sorry, asthma, I really didn't mean to attack you with cough's drink.
Soon after the spilled alcohol, paraflu's girlfriend arrived to take him home and I got a ride home, too. I left Möku at about 00:20. On the way home paraflu not knowing exactly where I live, decided to guide the driver and see if he can guess where to go. He only managed to miss one turn. Thanks for the ride, paraflu!
So all in all, a fun night with an awkward end.
As you might have realized, my road to fame and fortune ends next Friday when I plan to start drinking as soon as the second of February arrives, at midnight. This means that the first of February, which is Friday, will start as a sober night and will probably end up with me being drunk. I won't be doing anything too crazy, I hope, but it seems that the night will not be uneventful. Hey, perhaps I can finally meet the girl I've been planning to meet all month but who always manages to make it to Möku just when I've already left.
There will probably be no post tomorrow, as it's my mum's birthday, which also means that I'll probably miss the open mic in Möku. Sad, really, but mum is more important than comedy. And no, I will not be combining the two.
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